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Fear, Faith, and Forgiveness

Disclosure: This could be a sponsored post or contain affiliate links (which means I earn a percentage of the sale), but all opinions are strictly my own.

Today leaving Banjo at school was tough.  We haven’t talked to him at all about Friday’s senseless tragedy.  We don’t need to.  He’s only four, too young to understand, and is oblivious to the fact that it even happened.  This morning we were running behind and slowly getting out the door.  The back doors at his school are locked at 8 and we pulled into the parking lot at 8:02.  As I drove around to the front entrance Banjo asked why the doors to his school need to be locked.  Without even thinking I blurted out, “Oh it’s just to keep you safe”.  Like it was something as nonchalant as that.  I felt my stomach clinch as I contemplated why does any child need to be kept safe at school???  Parking the car I looked back to see his big brown eyes emitting this beautiful look of innocence.  I knew that I owed him a further explanation.  I would never want him to feel unsafe by the doors being unlocked.  I would never want him to worry that it was to keep the “bad guys” out.  So I told him that only people who go to school and want to learn are supposed to be there and that the locked doors just keeps it that way.  He’s four.  That’s all he needs to know.  Sometimes I wish that was all I needed to know.

Everyone lost something on Friday.  Some more than others, but as an entire nation we yet again lost our sense of security.  Over the weekend I felt a bit of fear taking grasp of my heart.  Why do these things happen?  How can we make it stop?  When will there be peace?  What can be done to keep my children safe?  So many questions.  Ultimately I concluded that I may not be able to control the actions of others, but I can maintain control from within my own home.  I can build a safe and secure place for my children.  I can cherish them and hug them just a little bit tighter every day; not just when tragedy strikes.

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I must be strong for my children.  I cannot and will not live in fear.  I can overcome fear through faith and by learning to forgive.  The entire weekend I found myself reflecting on these two talks:  The Healing Power of Forgiveness, by James E. Faust and Do Not Fear, by Boyd K. Packer.  Both gave me resolve when I originally heard them and solace now.  I will rise above the fear.

As I picked Banjo up this afternoon I told his teacher that it was hard leaving him with her this morning and then thanked her for taking care of him.  She nodded in acknowledgement.  I couldn’t bring myself to say the words I was really thinking:  “Thank you for keeping him safe”.  I’m sure she understood.

Thinking of everyone in Newtown, Connecticut.  My prayers are with you!

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I'm living a dandy life in the Lou.

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